My Argument Style- Essay I Several months after the birth of my youngest daughter, I took her to my mom’s house for her first visit. Soon the two of us were settled In, and my mom called my grandmother down to Join In our visit. Being a devoted wife, mother of five, as well as a college student, my time Is limited, but because my grandmother only lives a couple blocks away from my mom’s house she was there knocking on the door In a matter of minutes. As she came ushering in I stood up to great her. She through her hands up to the sky reached down for my belly and shouted “when is the next one due Sandy?!
I smiled with embarrassment, shook my head as to say no and in a small voice I simply said “O no she is our last. ” My grandmother has always had a way with words but in my family talking back was not an option. Not even when I was called fat right to my face. My mom used to tell me stories about my grandma having the quickest backhand this side of the Mississippi River. I remember being lectured, spanked, and grounded when for example, my mom would say I said or did something I did not do. I didn’t take long for me to learn to BEA While I was never hit in my face, Like my mom was, she had still placed the fear of God In me.
I wouldn’t dare argue with my mom, not as a child, not as teen, not even now to this day. When anyone has In an authoritative position becomes upset with me I become extremely uncomfortable. My argument style is becomes consensual. I often become very quiet, and can be indecisive. I don’t argue, explain, defend, or reference anything unless otherwise instructed by an authorized authority. Although I was an only child, I was not the only person at home that was being controlled by my mom. She also told my dad what to o and how to do it, and he was usually consensual to any requests my mom had.
There for, I feel I learned a lot about being consensual from my father. On payday my dad would bring home his check and hand it directly to my mom, she would in turn allow him to keep 10% of his check. I heard her bragging on several occasions that she had given him his allowance for the week. My mom has held a position for over 25 years with the railroad, I know she never needed his paycheck, what she was really after was the control. I feel because my mom was more adversarial I can often e this way, especially in my everyday life because I am more this way towards some family and friends.
When it comes to arguing with my husband however I find I am more adversarial. I try to be open and direct in telling him what I want or how I feel about the trash over flowing or how mad I am no one will do the dinner dishes unless I go track them down and tell them to. I can be very aggressive and over protective when discussing one of our children. Also, I like to win the argument, I don’t argue to be proven wrong. However, most arguments we have are natural argument between Cubans and wife and I try to stay logical because I don’t want the argument to turn into a full blown fight.
My husband is my best friend and the point of an argument Is to resolve an Issue not to cause another one. When you telethon are right It Is often difficult to see someone else’s prospective, however when I am In an argument with my husband I try to see hells side of things as well. One thing I want to get better at Is when to speak up and when to shut up. I feel if my mom had allowed me to voice my today. I also think it is important for me to allow my children to speak up, I want them o me if something is upsetting them or making them uncomfortable.
When at all possible I want to allow my kids to have a say in some decision making processes. I want to at least give them the opportunity voice their opinion. This will teach them to be logical, direct, cooperative, and how to reach a conclusion. I would like to work on being more of a mix, a strong consensual stile with an open and adversarial style. I think if I try to incorporate some of these things into myself, my family might follow my lead. Then we can start to enjoy more family time together.