As midnight came and passed her silently, she smiled to herself.
The night was clear and crisp and the moon stood proud among its army of stars. Outside on her porch step she stared at the night sky, no emotion revealed.
Her brown almond shaped eyes widened as she watched the heavens twinkle above her. Her mind slowly wandered and began to replay the long, strenuous months, like a movie in her mind, which had led her to the emotional and physical state she was now in.
The movie began like most. She could sense the emotions that she’d had at the time, as though they still lingered and haunted her in a way that she felt would never leave her completely. Images of herself flashed through her mind. It was as though she was watching herself on stage, pivoting like the perfect ballerina she longed to be. She began to remember the discontent that she had felt whilst performing, she could feel her old passion to be faultless. This is how it had begun. Katherine had wanted to be ideal; she had an uncontrollable desire to be perfection.
At 15, she was an intelligent young woman; she was pretty yet modest and had a passion for the arts. She belonged to a large diverse group of friends and although she had known the majority of them all her life, only one knew the real her.
Her obsession for perfection began with the need to impress her fathers’ new family. Ever since he had left her mum and re-married she’d felt like someone had placed a barrier between the two of them. She no longer felt like a part of his family, but was now simply an outsider trying desperately to fit into his new life.
She felt as though she was being made to fight for his attention.
As she sat in silence on her cold, bricked step, she was pulled out of her memories by a cool breeze that whisked her long chestnut hair into the air and across her now rosy cheeks. A bitter yet innocent tear slipped down her cheek as she began to realise how quickly and unnoticeably she was sucked into the downward spiral that dragged her down to the point where there was almost no return. Katherine shuddered as the story of the now gone months, continued to play in her mind.
She had been pushed to the side like she was no longer good enough to deserve her fathers’ love and affection. She could remember how she frantically wanted to talk to her dad and tell him her how she felt, but how could she, how could she force her dad into a situation where he would probably have to choose between his new found happiness and his daughter?
Instead over the weeks she let the jealousy and pain build up inside until she could take no more, she was desperate for some sort of relief but there seemed no achievable way. She could recall having a need for control. There was no longer a part of her if that she felt she could alter, control or influence. Nothing that is, except herself. Katherine set out to change herself from
She no longer felt alone; she finally felt an emotion that she had desperately longed for. She had a sense of belonging and self-content.