By examining the three categories, one can understand the difference between a secular and a Christ like marriage and which one strives more. God first and family second is the best and most effective way to take part in a marriage with one’s spouse. Most marriage counselors would say that communication is the most important aspect of a marriage. Problem solving, the love languages, and commitment are three areas to consider or to examine when studying marital communication. In a secular marriage, some spouses would respond to a problem with the blunt, “deal with it. From a immunization standpoint, it does not sound like the spouse wants to be a part of fixing the problem. Where in a Christ like marriage, one would kindly say, “put your big boy soldier skirt on and deal with it. ” The quote given was from a dear friend of mine and I love her to death. She told me to basically man up but in a soft tone. “A soft answer turns away wrath but harsh words stirs up anger” (Proverbs 1 5:1) She accomplished the goal of getting her message across with the “deal with it” part and she Brisker 2 added humor.
I laughed when I saw this and immediately it made me feel better. Where there is humor, laughter follows right after it. Where there is laughter there is also happiness, and the pursuit of happiness is every married couple’s goal. Another aspect of marital communication is the five love languages which are: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, and acts of service. A lot of marriages end because one of the spouses say that he or she does not feel loved.
Everyone wants to feel loved; in addition to, everyone wants to feel affirmed. In other words, everyone wants to feel like they are of a high value. A good way to make a spouse feel Ovid is the famous “show don’t tell. ” Let your actions speak for your words. In a Christ like marriage, spouses show each other how much they love them via the five love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, and acts of service). In a secular marriage, a lot of times it is Just talk and no show.
Commitment to a marriage is also a key aspect as well. This also intertwines with spiritual life which will be explained later. Commitment can also be referred back to the five love languages. If one does not feel that his or her spouse is committed to the marriage hen he or she will not be affirmed, the quality time will be at less value, the gifts will also be undermined. Problem solving, the five love languages, and commitment is the key aspect to marital communication and is imperative for a marriage.
Familial duties can vary from marriage to marriage. One’s familial duties could be purely domestic, another could be work, and another could be Just dealing with the children. Look back at commitment and think to yourself, “would a spouse that is committed not perform his or her familial duties? ” The answer is no; a spouse who is committed will perform his or her familial duties. In a secular marriage, a spouse who does not perform his or her familial duties is Brisker 3 more prone to wonder to sin.
In comparison to a Christ like marriage, where a spouse should always provide for his or her family, the marriage is a whole different world. Through two aspects alone, communication and familial duties, one could already conclude that a Christ like marriage is better than a secular marriage. The third but not final aspect of a marriage is spiritual life. Obviously, in a secular marriage there is not much of a spiritual life; hence the name “secular”. Spiritual life, forever, includes the aspects of: sexual fidelity, moral, and perhaps denomination.
The Bible tells us to heed from sexual immorality in the Book of Hebrews, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will Judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4). Personally, I believe spiritual life is the most important aspect of a marriage. In the case of sexual fidelity alone, when one’s spouse is being immoral, he or she is not committed. As a result, the immoral spouse is not performing his or her familial duties nor is he or she communicating well. Sexual immorality alone will tear apart a marriage.
This all leads to morals: what does he or she believe is to be wrong? I want a woman who believes what the Bible says and not in what doctrine says. In a secular marriage, sexual immorality is more likely to occur, and morals are more likely to be weak than in a Christ like marriage. Another aspect, mostly for Christians, is the denominational differences. I stated earlier, I want a woman whose beliefs and morals are set to what the Bible says and not to what doctrine says. Denominational differences are a stupid thing to get divorced over.
That shows that the couple is not committed and is not a good communicator. There are many aspects to marriage. Listed above are three: communication, familial duties, and spiritual life. Examining the three and looking in your own heart, which marriage is Brisker 4 better: a secular marriage or a Chris like marriage? Having God at the center of a marriage makes all the difference in the world. With a God centered marriage, a life of fulfillment, happiness, and spiritual growth can take place. “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).