“Ohmygod, oh my God! What am I going to do now? Everything is falling apart, I either lose my best friend Beth or my boyfriend Tom. Its one of those awkward, embarrassing, horrible situations that makes you sick in the pit of your stomach just thinking about it.

It all started two weeks ago. Tom was going away with his parents to Italy. Two weeks seemed a long time. I missed him so much, would he miss me? Would he meet some hot Italian girl and have one of those summer romances? I hoped not, I felt so depressed. I thought about him all the time and couldn’t concentrate on anything. My English teacher even said that my standard of work had dipped and I had better “buck up my ideas” with the GCSE’s coming up soon. That just made me worse, my friends stopped talking to me as much saying that I was such a bore.

Beth found me one dinner time, sat me down and talked to me, “Look it’s only two weeks, and anyway you shouldn’t act as if he is your whole life. You were fine before he came along and it’s not like he’s not coming back. I have been talking to Chris,” that was her boyfriend, he is really nice, he hangs round with us some times, “He managed to bag two invites to Sasha’s party but he has to baby sit for his little sister and he gave them to me. So are you free on Friday?” I was so overjoyed; Sasha is one of the most popular girls in our year at school. “Of course I will come … wow this is so cool. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

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“It’s cool, you need to get your mind off Tom and what kind of mate would I be if I didn’t invite my friend to the social event of the year? Ok so glam yourself up and be ready around eight?” I was so excited I felt numb. We stood up and went different ways, I had history and she had textiles, but before she went I heard her say, “You know he will come back to you, you’re irresistible.”

I couldn’t believe that I was going to Sasha’s party, Beth is so kind. That is the sort of thing that she always does, she could have taken someone else but she just wanted to cheer me up and so far she was doing a good job. We have been best mates for years; she’s so cool, outgoing and confident. I really like her.

I looked at myself in the mirror; I had just got out of the shower. As I looked up and down my body I was examining every good point and every bad point. “I have quite a big belly, hide that. Chunky thighs are never good they have to go. Ah I have a nice bum and ankles I will have to show them off. And my boobs I’m quite proud of them most other girls hardly have any but mine are a treat.” I thought and giggled at how that sounded. I remembered an article in Glamour on how to dry your hair to make it look like Sarah Jessica Parker’s and dug it out. Twenty minutes later I stood in my underwear now facing the dilemma of what else to wear trying to remember my golden rules; cover thighs and belly, show off bum, boobs and ankles, vertical stripes to add to height but nothing too tarty. I had narrowed it down to two pairs of jeans, a skirt, two tops, one jacket and three pairs of shoes.

Eventually I was wearing a pair of jeans that were quite tight around the bum but baggy from the thighs down, my three quarter length sleeve shirt which had pink and purple pinstripes down it and fastened quite low, with my three inch pink strappy shoes and my denim jacket. I looked at my hair which had flopped out of style and panicked, I had only twenty minutes left I grabbed my curling tongs and called for my mum to sort it out and quickly. I was sat by the couch, mum was sat beside me doing my hair and I was applying my makeup, foundation, pale pink eye shadow with bright cerise eyeliner and sparkly lip gloss.

There was a knock at the door, it had only just really hit me how excited and scared I was. “Come in.” It was Beth, she came in, I apologised about being behind time but she said she was a little early and went to get a drink. “All done.” said mum and I leaped up running upstairs to grab my jacket. Before I left I sprayed myself with a mist of glitter spray and looked in the mirror. My hair was just below my shoulders, a light brown colour with glitter and loose ringlets, I was amazed at how good I looked, and then realised I might have overdressed and got really nervous again. “We need to go now!” yelled Beth I raced downstairs and we set off.

I needn’t have been as nervous as there was alcohol to steady my nerves and everyone else looked just as glamorous as me. As soon as I got in I grabbed a Malibu and coke. I had about three of them, and then I went on to beer as the Malibu ran out. I can’t remember how many of those I had, I just kept drinking. I noticed Beth was drinking a lot too, her favourite was Watermelon Bacardi Breezers but all she had were beers.

By eleven o’clock everyone was smashed. I felt really hot and dizzy, most people were smoking and I can’t stand the smell so that didn’t make me feel much better. Everyone had started playing spin-the-bottle and I didn’t want to join in so I went outside for some fresh air. I took my shoes off, my feet were killing me, sat down by the pool rolled my jeans up and dipped my feet in.

Ten minutes later Beth came running out to see if I was okay. I was really drunk by now, “You’re so kind to think of me when you could be inside having fun.”

“No I really care about you Suzie, you’re my best friend.” That’s when she leaned over and kissed me. I was so confused. I was stunned. I couldn’t think what to do except get up and leave. As I left I heard her say “You look nice tonight.” I don’t know why but I remember thinking “Well my efforts weren’t in vain.” I don’t remember anything after that.

Tom has just phoned, he arrived back last night and he is coming round any minute now. I don’t know what to do. So many questions; do I tell Tom and lose him? Or keep quiet and lose Beth? It’s weird because I feel really awkward about the kiss but I kind of liked it. I hate myself for saying that, but does this mean I’m a bisexual or a lesbian? Oh I’m so nervous I feel sick. Oh my god! That’s the doorbell. What am I going to do? I need more time. I had better open the door and face him.


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