There Is a story that many children are lucky enough to hear from their parents while growing up. This is not one of gallant knights, dragons, or any princesses, but one of wisdom and caution; rather It Is of the birds and bees which Is an eye opener for many adolescents, because of the misconceptions that is clears up about the word- that-must-not-be-said “sex”. Coming from a Middle Eastern background, the topic of sex was very taboo and was not openly talked about, especially with my parents.
The lack of explanation and clarification of what this word really meant caused me to start kicking up broken pieces of Information from friends, school, and the media. In the schoolyard having two fifth grade kids talking about what they think sex was, is like the blind leading the blind. Growing up had many bizarre understandings of what sex consisted of and what would happen after two individuals would have sex, The three most impacting misconceptions that I have had were where babies come from, what women wanted In a sexual relationship, and safe methods of practicing sex.
In the fourth grade I was on the swings during recess having an enlightening conversation about where babies came from with one of my good friends. This was the first discussion I had ever had relating to sex and being the convincing sales man that Cody was, he had brainwashed me Into thinking that women get pregnant by men peeing on their belly buttons. Then the baby explodes out of the belly button when women give birth. This was the first misconception that I had about sex and it was the one that probably scarred me the most because of the events that quickly followed that conversation with Cody.
My parents approached my older sister, who was eighteen at the time, and I to tell us that we were going to have a little brother cause my mom was pregnant. When I heard this I was horrified to think that my dad would pee on my mom, considering I would get yelled at for peeing on the toilet. To make matters worse, I had decided to talk to my sister about my idea of where babies came from after our parents had broken the news to us. Once I finish explaining my theory, she looks at me and tells me I’m absolutely right.
Then she proceeded to show me a scene from the movie Allen’s where the alien bursts out of the guys chest. My sister tells me that if things go wrong with the birthing that’s what appends to women, and ends with telling me that If my mom talks about It, the chances of something goes wrong Increases. So I had to promise not to say anything. For several months I kept my mouth shut mainly because being a fourth grader I had become preoccupied with episodes of Pokemoon, which distracted from my moms situation. However my ignorance was displaced once I saw her belly reach mountainous proportions.
About a month before the due date my mom’s belly looked like an alien was going to pop out of it and I Just couldn’t let my mom die. So I finally confronted her in tears and pleaded with her not give birth. I also mentioned that I was very mad at my dad for peeing on her and that her belly button will never look tofu best way she could for a fourth grader to understand how women fall in love with men. She continued to explain that women have a special place for babies to come out of, and that I came out of the same place safely.
Now even though she wasn’t completely honest, I was more informed and significantly more at ease about the birthing process than I was prior. This was one of those misconceptions that were so twisted and confusing for me that I won’t forget until the day I die. Things were relatively quiet in my sex life until the age of sixteen, when I started to have interest in girls at my high school. The issue was that most of my experience with girls unfortunately came from porn and with that came the mentality that what happens in porn happens in real life.
My belief at the age having watched hundreds of hours of porn, and came the adopted behaviors towards women. I cannot tell you how wrong I was about thinking that I could learn everything about sex from porn. When I began my first serious relationship in high school I had all these sexual fantasies of naming from orgies to hours of foreplay leading into rough sex. Contrary to what I was expecting my relationships started off slow with a lot of holding hands, talking about life, and cuddling.
Once my girlfriend and I had decided that we wanted to start having sexual relations the discussion of how we wanted to approach the matter began. Being the coco driven teenager I was my opinion was that we dive right into hard, rough, and passionate sex; however her idea was more along the lines of lets start with fondling. This was a slap in the face thinking that all women wanted hat I had proposed but being the gentlemen that I am, I obliged to her request and we took it slow.
Over the course of the next couple years I had several girl friends and I learned quickly that everything I had learned from porn, women throwing their clothes off and diving right into rigorous sex for hours is a complete lie. Now that I am married I have a more realistic idea of how women behave towards sex. I have established that women, Just like men, have tastes of their enjoying the chase, being wined and dined, and treated with respect. I have also come to the understanding hat when it comes to the actual sex, the best thing to do is to communicate with partner and see what she is comfortable.
The most dangerous misconception that I have had was being told that pulling out is Just as safe as wearing a condom or using birth control. A classmate shared with this “golden” piece of information in my senior year of high school. This individual would swear by this method of “safe ” sex, and said that for over a year his girl friend was not on birth control nor would they use condoms. Somehow they managed to remain baby free as they continued to use the pulling out method. Being the impressionable youth that we were, many boys in that year started adopting this practice in their sexual endeavors.
He was so convincing to the point that many individuals dismissed what we had learned the previous year in Sexual Education about the truth of pulling out. Towards the end of our senior year the guy, who spread this erroneous understanding, and his girlfriend had slowly stopped showing up to school. Without much of a thought many people dismissed their absence believing that they were sick because of the Mono that was going around at the time. Later the summer we had finally heard back from him, and he ad told us that his girlfriend had gotten pregnant; their families even refused to keep them in the same school.
The news spread like wildfire and people immediately that year due to the consequences of pulling out instead of the safer alternative. I was lucky enough that I was not in sexually active during that time, although I was convinced that pulling out was safe alternative. When I realized how wrong and dangerous the method was, I felt almost blessed and saved that I was single in my senior year. Now that I have had time to reflect and relive some of these moments in my life I legalize how much my perception of sex has changed.
I consider my previous understandings of where babies come from, what women wanted in a sexual relationship, and safe methods of practicing sex. I compare the old viewpoints to how I am now and I am grateful to see the wisdom that comes along with growing older. These false understanding stem for not being able to openly question and discuss topics that may be considered taboo. For the better of society these topics needed to be addressed and they need to be welcomed otherwise people will continue to live in ignorance about their understandings towards sex.
I believe that misconceptions can only be removed from our society by educating ourselves and spreading that knowledge with other individuals. I know that I am a perfect example of someone who with the correct guidance has been able to correct any misconception that I had in the past. Sex is a topic that not only affects individuals but also it affects families, friends, and communities. It has the power to shape and change lives and we must treat it with the respect that it deserves instead of sweeping it under the table and expecting people to figure it out on their own.