As walked my fingers across the brown flimsy opening of the cardboard box my other hand reached for my tattered old teddy, I’d had him ever since I can remember – he was a gift from my aunt Elizabeth. While my hands were holding the bear a tidal wave of memories came rushing back into my mind of the moments that him and I shared, alas they are now just memories. I don’t recall why but Eve always known my tattered teddy as Peter, I guess I Just thought he looked Like a Peter.
His fur used to be a smooth caramel brown from what I can remember, although now he seemed to e an everlasting chestnut the seemed to bled rather well Into his black button nose and his onyx like eyes, he also had a big red bow trapped across his neck which gave him rather cheery sense about him. I gave peter one last tight hug before fully taking him out of the bashed and battered cardboard box, whilst doing so the strangely familiar smell of freshly cut grass and bluebells – this took me back to a very vivid memory had with Peter.
All of a sudden I could see myself back in my back old back garden from during mummer, the sun beaming down with rays of light so clear you could see the dust dancing in the sunlight as it fell to the ground with a blurred image of my mother sitting in the background with her Oh so precious vogue magazine covering her tomato face. Although it was me playing with Peter, It was small fragile eight year old me… I seemed to be playing an army game were peter was the head in command and all my smaller APIPA dolls were the soldiers, I don’t think Eve ever seen myself quite as happy as I was then.
But I guess I didn’t know what was headed full speed at e, did l? As I replayed the memory in my head I felt myself tingle all over and a surge of warmth and what I think may be relief make Its way through my body. I let my hands wander across peters rugged fur and they came to a halt as I felt an unusual stitching appear Just below his heart. I gazed down curious to as what It may be from. It was stitching from the same day as the day or the army, old taken the game a little too far. As the memory played out in front of my eyes I suddenly realized what id done…
I didn’t know what I was doing was so bad, it was just to make the game ore realistic I suppose. Suddenly I winced as I felt a quick yet sharp pain skid across my arm followed by the faint metallic scent of blood. I remember in that moment not being able to move, all I could possibly do was sit and stare at my arm in aspiration and watch as my hand found Its way to puddle which was now engulfing my forearm. I dipped my index into the red pool of blood and then smeared it across peters chest. I then got the gardening knife which old just used as a weapon against myself as one against him too.
I then stabbed him Just below the heart. Trying to create the effect he’d been shot. In the moment all I could hear was Erin being shouted repeatedly. It was so loud and so clear as if the person shouting were right next to me but it felt as if they couldn’t be closer than a million miles away from me. The memory was starting to fade away ‘OFF tears shouting my name over and over again. Suddenly I was back in reality with a nurse standing next to me saying my name soft and quietly trying to get my attention to say my doctor had been waiting on me for almost ten minutes now.
I tried to act reprised but it didn’t fool her, she knew me too well now. I simply Just nodded and said id be right with her. That day in my garden was how it all started. How my life is now Just made up of a concoction of tests and pills. Each day filled with doctor after doctor. Because silly little me got too carried away. Now my own family are too embarrassed to even take me out with them because the scars that rule my body are now what apparently define me. But they are not. They are my battle scars, and one day ill be able to say that I made it through a war. By Islam Austin